First BCCF 2011

Was grateful that 3 coursework are done, one more to go for Monday
yeh a few more perhaps

I thought it's always good to be busy, when one could focus on completing a task, it feels good.
Jetlag perhaps is a really good thing for me, getting up early, sleeping early- it's joyful to live like this

Things keep happening each day, some repeated, almost following a similar rhythm each day
Is there any detail that could touch your heart at certain time of the day?

First BCCF gathering today, was rather unlucky to spend 40mins waiting for a bus, I felt.
Seeing the blue bus going, seeing one that came saying "not in Service"

I decided to wait, even though 3 orange buses came.
Obviously, I dont know if I would call this "being stubborn"
It was rather not so good, choosing to be late when I couldve avoided it.

Blame the blue bus, I thought.
Now, I blame myself, when I had the choice, it was me giving it away.
It's not I cant afford to get on the Orange one, it was perhaps only I feel I had to get on the blue one, when I had already spent all that time waiting.

As simple as that, I missed out Fellowship time, perhaps it really didnt worth it, when I reviewed this small incident.

Gratefully, didnt seem to miss out too much, the movie we watched seemed okay
For a long time, havent had such group sharing.

Brothers and Sisters, I miss you all
especially when starting to count down days remaining in Bath
Sharing joy, hearing voices

I perhaps spent too much time listening to my own voice, spent too much time on asking God for what I want

Didnt get up to ask God what he wanted me to do recently
as everyday, I ask him to give me this and that

What can I give him?
If one asking his/her parents to do this and that for them
what would you do for your parents?

Listening is a challenging piece of homework
Someone asked me "how would you know, if that was your voice, or God's voice"
Ha, I asked that couple of times before too

Now, I think I know, because you will know it.
To put this down onto paper, if you read something, you would know straight away who wrote that when you know the person.

If I know my mum well, I wouldve known it came from her
I know it was God's words because I know I wouldnt have been able to think of that myself

It's getting uneasy now
I think I have tried my best to make up for it
But she seems to hate me so much

Perhaps I stared at the screen for a long time
Why? I asked so many times
when I havent done things wrong, I was the one who got abandoned, to get all the blame
unfair?
At one point I thought we were such close friends, I tried in xmas, tried again on your birthday
You seem like you dont want to speak to me ever again

It hurts

I didnt know what to ask for now, I opened up the bible, hoping to seek for God's words because, funnily enough like the girl in the movie, I couldnt hear anything.

not knowing which part I wanted to read, I want to listen to Jesus' words
so I flipped to the gospels, opened up to Mark.

Reading 14:31 particularly made me angry

Peter insisted "even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you"

BULL SHIT!
sorry..but bull shittt!

How one could say that, when in 14: 71 , he said "I dont know this man you're talking about"

)&)(#)(*$@*$)@*)(*$(*!(*(!*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peter disowns Jesus
Juda betrayed Jesus

How could Jesus wash their feet, putting himself down like that
I ve heard of this story so many times
yet they didnt touch me that much until this point

when I have experienced, when someone deceived you
It must have been heart-breaking to Jesus

It's heart breaking, because they've chosen something else? even they knew at the beginning that Jesus loves them.

People's love is so conditional
heart-breaking when you dont get what is expected
loving someone to hope someone loves you back
self-satisfying

When the whole world deserted him, he sacrificed everything
If I dont love Jesus, I think I must be crazy.

choosing something else rather than the unconditional love, dont think I would ever be satisfied

This is a great reminder I got from BCCF today

I seldom speak about love

I need not to ask what I do to make someone loves me back

As all I need to do is follow him until the end of time, not to be afraid to be abandoned again