Precious moment is always short and sweet

3 months, not too long, not too short

Met a group of lovely people from fellowship.

Remembering the day I moved into 3rd Avenue no.48, I didnt know the majority of them. 

Now, moving out of this room, what I am gona miss is not just the Bath Starry nights,

not just the shimmering sunlight (occasionally) diffusing across my room

but the ones who you have once shared your heart with.

Will be missing the fact of walking around oldfield park and bumping to friends on the road

Missing the performances on high street on a sunny Sunday

Though, I am already used to the fact of "come and go"

I meet a lot of people in life, they could be just one of the passengers who played a small part in your life frame-work.

Some, they would always stay within your "framework", no matter where you go.

Packing and unpacking, such a regular gestures since living in a boarding school.

It's unexpected. 

Tonight, particularly felt that friends are such amazing gifts. Just a simple smile and hug, I could give everything away.

Winter, thanks for being such amazing partner, always looking out for us, ur card meant a lot to me.

Cyrus, shame just starting to get to know you more in such short time in Jan, tough, sweet and humourous, just loving it being around with you

Chan Sai kit, the happy bean in our group, your massive smile is more encouraging than you ever know

Sally, the journey from heathrow wouldnt be so light-hearted without your presence that morning.

Jennifer, the always happy and mature one, big sis :)

Candy, sweet and caring, japanese buddy

Group 2 you guys are amazing

Need I say more? I moved into the empty room, leaving it as an empty room

I am taking a lot away with me

your encouragements, our memories

Moment is short,

But there are many moments, sweet ones

I am looking forward to be back, with hopefully gaining a lot more in London with me

and not coming back in bare hands.

Will see you all soon again
Last day of packing up
I am gona enjoy a cup of Starbucks Hazulnut Hot Chocolate,
Walk around the city once again before leaving it behind till months after

Time to say bye now

Vice versa

甚麼令懦弱變得神勇，
令挑剔變得包容，
令倔強變得溫柔，
令平庸變得出眾？


又有甚麼令聰明變得愚昧，
令冷靜變得衝動，
令豁達變得小器，
令自主變得盲從？


This debate could have gone on forever, when I havent got work to catch up on

如魚得水?

Heard this from Uncle Brian yesterday when I was working.
He told the following story:
魚對水說：＂你看不到我的眼淚，因為我在水裡。＂水回答說：＂我能感覺到你的眼淚，因為你在我心裡。


When I first heard it, I thought "hmm interesting"
It didnt hit me harder until I thought about it after a few mins


Obviously, you wont be any tears in the water, that's common sense
But It made a connection to me
Because thats one of the reasons I love swimming, and showering if I ever need to cry


What this touches me is that
Fishy THOUGHT "water" wont be able to see her tears
The importance here is not about "seeing" but "feeling"


Water can FEEL her sadness.
I guess when you see someone cry, it's just as simple as fact
Can you actually share the feeling, and be in that person's position?


I could hear the whisper then
We are all like fishy, living in a world we think we know very well.
even breathing, we wouldnt take notice of the greatness behind all these.


We think we were all alone when we are down 
Perhaps, it's not like that.


Say God creates the world, he is everywhere, He is the "water"
We dont take notice because we cant see. Like the fishy.


Most of the time, we are all "blind"
We rely on things we see, yet seldom trying to feel.


If you think you are the fish, believe it or not, God does understand all the pain, all the things you've been through. For he is everywhere, we are surrounded by his presence.
Yes, we cant see, but we can feel?


As I re-read this over again
I have this feeling in mind
Not just I could relate myself to the fish, I dont want to be just a fish
I want to be "water" too, able to share one's feeling, Put them in your heart, walk in their shoes and then


to Love.


Ultimately, love is what we all aim for


It's 心同感受


"Water" is very intelligent, he didnt say he saw the tears, but he said he "feels" it.
Because from Fishy's point of view, it is NOT important for her tears to be seen or not, it's not that matters.
But Fishy deep down must be hoping someone could understand, more than just to be "seen'


Reminded me a lot of gospel stories I read before becoming a Christian.


Including how he healed the many, not just physically, but sorrow.


Jesus knows what we need
Deep down he knows exactly what we are missing out
And he provides everything we need


All we got to do is to believe

Behind all that smiles

For the first time in my life,

I stalked my mum on facebook
I guess I was really too bored with work

Couldnt find much from my dad's profile then clicked into mum's.
Seeing the pictures of her with her students, I finally could visualise the life she was describing during xmas.

Was it because I wasnt interested in knowing her life at all?
I admire her.
Always have, she never stops following her dreams. She always make sure everything is okay with every single one of us in the family. The one bothers to forward lots of what i would call junk mail to spam our inbox of information of healthy diet etc etc

She would ensure dad got perfect ironed shirt for his work,
She concerns about us more than herself.

Perhaps, she thought about us, more than I do.
Perhaps, she stalked me on facebook more than I do
I think I should stalk her more

Dad, oh dad, you always asleep when it comes to skype time. and you always call when I am out!
As I clicked through the pictures, it came to one when he was really young.
I smiled, he was even more handsome than Benson.

How much have you been through dad, reaching the age now
all that hard-work just for us, for Benson and Me.

How much have you two been through, behind all that smiles in the pictures
Would anyone notice, appreciate?

Finally, I clicked Benson's profile.
Seems like he is living a happy life, smiling a lot, being with all the brothers and sisters from SOC Church
You have indeed grown
We both have.

My dear Dai Lo,

I know you have been through a lot too, through all the up and down
You never had enough quality time with mum and dad
They were too young at the time, having to work so hard to keep things going
You have been the tough one gor.
When I have asthma, you were the one sprinting out to get me inhaler
When I for the first time broke down in front of you, you wiped my tears away
Behind all smiley faces, how much have you been through?
I knew it, when I read your testimony
Your life has changed ever since

You changed mine
Mum and Dad changed mine

God brought us together, though we grew up in separate countries
You are my only one brother

Whatever decision you make
I will support you because I know
your faith makes you who you are now

Not that poker face you used to have
But a smiley one :)

From Long K

First Sunday Service at St.Barts in 2011

Having not thought about any work last night, motivated me to get up earlier today to catch up on.
First thing I opened my eyes, the sky was just gloomy grey

Closing my eyes again, wanting to try out "listening to God's whisper"
Then I felt asleep again untill 8pm ==""

Desperately wanting to hear messages from him
Never felt so eager to be back in Church

Once again, getting close to you like a child longing for home

"What a Faithful God Have I"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVOZBANNRCk
The feeling I could not explain myself

It came to "King of Kings, Majesty" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5VutCGsVXE
uncovered all the hidden feelings

I prayed before going to Church today (which I havent done so for awhile)
and what a co-incidence

John talked about Love, and Peter disowning Jesus 3 times

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another"

Our fellowship theme verse
Didnt appealed to me so much like it did today

Guilt then it is.
Jesus repeated twice, you must love one another.

Yesterday, I asked as I was reading: HOW? how could I love a person who was totally being ignorant, taking granted of you and at the end of the day not showing a single sign of apology. How to love and forgive?

It is then, when you are not expecting anything when you are able to love truly. I cared about myself too much, accusing her for mistakes because at the end of the day, I am selfish because I cared about "losing a friend of mine" rather than loving a friend.

Then I feel guilty today because I was doing what Peter did.
Since SEEC last year, It changed my life, when I know I live as a Christian, not like one.

 How clear the message was today,
totally,
overwhelmed.

First BCCF 2011

Was grateful that 3 coursework are done, one more to go for Monday
yeh a few more perhaps

I thought it's always good to be busy, when one could focus on completing a task, it feels good.
Jetlag perhaps is a really good thing for me, getting up early, sleeping early- it's joyful to live like this

Things keep happening each day, some repeated, almost following a similar rhythm each day
Is there any detail that could touch your heart at certain time of the day?

First BCCF gathering today, was rather unlucky to spend 40mins waiting for a bus, I felt.
Seeing the blue bus going, seeing one that came saying "not in Service"

I decided to wait, even though 3 orange buses came.
Obviously, I dont know if I would call this "being stubborn"
It was rather not so good, choosing to be late when I couldve avoided it.

Blame the blue bus, I thought.
Now, I blame myself, when I had the choice, it was me giving it away.
It's not I cant afford to get on the Orange one, it was perhaps only I feel I had to get on the blue one, when I had already spent all that time waiting.

As simple as that, I missed out Fellowship time, perhaps it really didnt worth it, when I reviewed this small incident.

Gratefully, didnt seem to miss out too much, the movie we watched seemed okay
For a long time, havent had such group sharing.

Brothers and Sisters, I miss you all
especially when starting to count down days remaining in Bath
Sharing joy, hearing voices

I perhaps spent too much time listening to my own voice, spent too much time on asking God for what I want

Didnt get up to ask God what he wanted me to do recently
as everyday, I ask him to give me this and that

What can I give him?
If one asking his/her parents to do this and that for them
what would you do for your parents?

Listening is a challenging piece of homework
Someone asked me "how would you know, if that was your voice, or God's voice"
Ha, I asked that couple of times before too

Now, I think I know, because you will know it.
To put this down onto paper, if you read something, you would know straight away who wrote that when you know the person.

If I know my mum well, I wouldve known it came from her
I know it was God's words because I know I wouldnt have been able to think of that myself

It's getting uneasy now
I think I have tried my best to make up for it
But she seems to hate me so much

Perhaps I stared at the screen for a long time
Why? I asked so many times
when I havent done things wrong, I was the one who got abandoned, to get all the blame
unfair?
At one point I thought we were such close friends, I tried in xmas, tried again on your birthday
You seem like you dont want to speak to me ever again

It hurts

I didnt know what to ask for now, I opened up the bible, hoping to seek for God's words because, funnily enough like the girl in the movie, I couldnt hear anything.

not knowing which part I wanted to read, I want to listen to Jesus' words
so I flipped to the gospels, opened up to Mark.

Reading 14:31 particularly made me angry

Peter insisted "even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you"

BULL SHIT!
sorry..but bull shittt!

How one could say that, when in 14: 71 , he said "I dont know this man you're talking about"

)&)(#)(*$@*$)@*)(*$(*!(*(!*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peter disowns Jesus
Juda betrayed Jesus

How could Jesus wash their feet, putting himself down like that
I ve heard of this story so many times
yet they didnt touch me that much until this point

when I have experienced, when someone deceived you
It must have been heart-breaking to Jesus

It's heart breaking, because they've chosen something else? even they knew at the beginning that Jesus loves them.

People's love is so conditional
heart-breaking when you dont get what is expected
loving someone to hope someone loves you back
self-satisfying

When the whole world deserted him, he sacrificed everything
If I dont love Jesus, I think I must be crazy.

choosing something else rather than the unconditional love, dont think I would ever be satisfied

This is a great reminder I got from BCCF today

I seldom speak about love

I need not to ask what I do to make someone loves me back

As all I need to do is follow him until the end of time, not to be afraid to be abandoned again

2 pieces of heart-breaking sharing I heard this week from two very different people

Girls, don't get defeated by this feeling of "loneliness" 

You perhaps feel lonely at the moment, but you ARE not

It's not about what you want but what is righteous.

It's amazing how we could become each other's blessing

Hey, Pinocchio, the timing was perfect, but I am seriously gona miss you when it comes to the time we travel at separate paces.

A familiar song was played randomly today

Reminds me of those good summer days

I miss you Uncle Brian!!!

To Pinocchio

I ve never been so looking forward to be back in Bath before.
Though, there are tonnes of work waiting for me.

I used to hate my boarding school to begin with, but as time goes on, I started to look forward to be there.
I didnt want to go to Bath, as it wasnt my first or second choice uni to begin with.

But I know, God's plan is amazing
I met you Pinocchio in Bath
I met Jessica at St.Helen's
And both of you were born on the same day, both of you meant a lot to me.

In front of both of you, I need not to hide my trueself

Sometimes, when I dont wana be a tough one, I can take a break, perhaps be spoiled
I dont mind shedding tears in front of you and thinking I am a huge loser

I can borrow your shoulders, without worrying that you would move away

the truth is, Pinocchio, God brought us together, to experience Life

What is Life?
I am perhaps too young to say so

But going through all sort of things, and then
been lost, been found
we found love

And after reading your words,
I find love, that made me once again, shed tears not of sadness
but joy :)

I love you and I truly do

I cant wait to see you

Love heals everything, Jesus is Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLNL49TFC_8&feature=relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=badS4YnRwkE&feature=related

When truth hurts, would people choose to hear it? Even I think the truth wouldnt change my decision, today I made my choice.


I have never been so afraid of hearing truth, possibly the closest feeling I had was when my brother called to tell me about the death of Grandma. But that was rather more unexpected.

This time, I think I knew it. I wasnt entirely sure if I would like to hear.
Foolish perhaps if it meant to ease one's guilt, I was afraid to get hurt
I prayed over and over again, asking for courage. I didnt have the courage to believe in people, yet I had it today to hear the truth.

That feeling was not what I expected. I thought of all possibilities
I could cry out loud/screaming and looking ridiculous.
Or I am aiming, to be cool and act as if it does not affect me. Mature and calm.

But none of those happened.
I was speechless. I wanted to speak but my muscles seemed to be unable to project my voice out. There were so many thoughts occuring at the same time in my brain which I could not register.

Sadness? Anger? Fear?
I didnt know how long I sat there for.

All I could feel was sadness, as I know it wont be the same anymore
I think of what was happening a few weeks ago, and where I was sitting, why I was there

Everything seemed to have messed up
It was not fair, was I jealous? was I disappointed?
Time paused. I tried my very best, then I asked God, why is this happening?

Why is it ME? Where is God? I was walking with you, I always have faith in you, and that moment
things that happpened nearly could smash all that up

I lost all energies, never felt like this in my life when I thought I am a tough one.
I wish I could rely, or even open up to someone one day

But no.

After awhile, I could hear him speak, he said, "be strong, be the Sharon as you have always been"

I finally, cried. asking back Where are you lord?
Why throwing all these at me

and miraculously, in my mind I know one thing very clear.
Hard to believe I could hear such clear thoughts when I was in that mess

God wont throw difficulties at you when he knows you cant take it
So at that moment, I was sure, I can be strong

I started talking again, gathering, sorting out thoughts
I had the courage to look into his eyes

That moment, I know, forgiveness is possible.
If I need something really bad and seek for forgiveness, I know how badly I wanted to be forgiven.
And God accepted me.

So this time, I know I should do the same. It was easier than I thought.
When I was in deep anger last night, today it diminished straight away.
Rather, it was love.
God's love took away my sadness, reminded me and he responded to my prayer.
Because he did, I could forgive, and share that love with him again, as pure friends.
Everything was totally unexpected.

I didnt need a lot of cheering up from anyone, apart from Jessica.
Because God gave me the courage to face and to hear the truth.
To accept it with a peaceful heart (well it wasnt at all to begin with)

Everything I have been through, use all of these for your glory lord.
Because of you, I am still able to forgive, to love and to give thanks.
I am hoping, if you are reading this

you will one day, share this amazing grace, and love with me, with all brothers and sisters in fellowship or anywhere else in the world

that true love is really an amazing things

Though I have not yet found my Issac to share with me
but I know, everything is planned.

I truly wish, you one day, put down your pride, for our dear father can take away your loneliness, your emptiness, your fear, your weakness

He embraces all, every sins, he would forgive
This is the right path, and the only way to find God because he is Love.

I would never forget today

God he made everything right, he fixed things
the full stop of today, is finished with Love, thankfulness, grace

not tears (we had enough already today) but a smile

Hold me tight

Hold me tight God

If I cannot feel it, hold me tighter.

You can embrace everything. You embraced me,

when I feel fragile, you are the one who made me strong.

You understand everything, I need not to tell, you know me better than anyone.

I offer my life to you now.

Bless the ones who are hurt, no matter they hurt someone or been hurt by anyone

I pray for your forgiveness.

Yesterday, I stood by the sea-side, your presence was stronger than anything else
Because I know, no matter how pathetic I am, You love me more than anyone.

Love, tell me about it Lord

Teach me

Like what Jesus did

Your love does not bring jealousy, does not bring injury, no lies

Nothing is more faithful, peaceful and joyful, and promising.

You have now shown me.

I pray, I ask and I give thanks.

The three things I should do all the time
How hard it is for me to say thanks when I am hurt, its just sounds sarcastic.

I didnt get smashed up cos you ve been with me all the way

and now I ask

hold me tight Lord because I really need it

2011.01.01

looking back at the targets set from last year...
feeling rather ashamed that I didnt manage to reach a few of them.

it's hard to put people before yourselves all the time

I failed to do this again

May be he is right about :how about change it to "most of the time" instead of "all"

sounds like a plan to me :)

It's not the matter of 'mo sor wei' anymore