Moments

How many precious moments does one remember in their lifetime?

and...

how many awful moments does one remember in their lifetime?

People take lots of photos to help them remembering all the happy joyful moments

there are rarely pictures of people experiencing hard time.

Is it people trying to forget or those moments simply not worth remembering.

In reality, those moments stick clearer in your head, the more you wanted to forget about them.

Work and then work, and then late again.
Felt like I am losing time, at least glad to spend a rush hour with the St.Helen's girls.
Apparently, I hadnt changed at all, still being the old-self Sharon,

in their eyes.

But I am not feeling that proud to be the old-self, nor proud of my current state either.
Making silly jokes like the old innocent time, feeling warm, loved and cared.
So this is what people all looking for in their life time, to be loved and cared.

It makes you feel you are important, it makes you feel you wanted to be more devoted.

I sat down by one of those MTR station seats, the girl next to me was crawled up, half unconsciously mourning.
Drunk, I thought she was.

Both trains came round twice, she didnt make a move, nor did I.

I looked at her for awhile. There were people walking by, perhaps gave her a look and carried on walking.
One or two mid-aged men came along and started talking to her.

that's quite dangerous.
I waited there for awhile, hoping someone nice could come along.
Or may be I shouldve done something.

People like me, knows exactly that getting drunk is not so a sensible thing to do
When i look at her, I envy her. yet deep down, perhaps I was laughing at her too.

I envy her, laid down her guards and entering into her own world and there will still be people looking after her.

Laughing at her, just simply how stupid the whole situation look.

I gave myself a cold laugh. What an evil person I am.
showing a sign of compassion?

the train heading to central soon arrived again, she seemed to be alright to have 2 women looking after her. I walked on to the train, still looking at her from a distance.

since when , for a short while, perhaps I am looking for that flash of freedom.

But no, waking up from this is more painful.
meeting someone drunk when you are sober is quite a painful thing.

You see their pain, but they dont see yours.

I know my home, is handling all my burdens over to God. My ultimate home.

I know where I belong to
but I just cant grab it tight, and losing it all.

Too much expectation kills

Loving someone nice is easy

Loving someone and embracing all is difficult.

Knowing more hurts with reality

Knowing less hurts with over imaginations

It's true that when we ve done something terribly wrong, we dont have to die straight away

but what comes next is more painful than death.

when that only thing kept in my mind is, no matter how painful it is, we are all living under God's grace.

This gives me hope, yet putting me into a bottomless hole.

Fearless. Riding on a roller coaster

What a weird feeling to see someone holding onto someone else when you know he once loved another girl.

At that moment, I wasnt sure about eternity

When two people once were so closed and believed they would be together forever,

how disappointing when one turned back and loved another person?

1.02am, I felt I didnt belong there at all.

People seemed like having an amazing time around me. 

And how many of them were aware of what they were doing?

How many of them were truly having a good time, or just showing people they are having a good time?

One told me "you only know how to appreciate alcohol when you have experienced its greatness"

I said "like you only know you really believe in Jesus when you have experienced his greatness"

Laugh, just laugh at me here.

Suddenly, I fear, fear of people around me.

What if things went out of control?

I had to leave, really have to.

Despite after having such a long day of work, no toilet break, non-digestible lunch

I understand the temptation to just go wild and free, and just NOT having to worry or think about anything and enjoy the presence.

After tired of faith going up and down hill constantly, and re-thinking all the goods and bads in the past

tending to find a way out of this.

Even just for that very split moment

I want to let go of faith, that I think it's restricting me, putting me in all sort of difficult situations

Yet I know I have to hold on to it.

How can we say we dont like food but we still eat? Because we need to survive.

I fear the temptation of giving up yourself for sins.

Yet, I fear more losing interest in living.

When life not matters to you anymore, there is nothing else to care.

Then it hits me.

When we lose our ambition, doesnt care about anything or even your own life, perhaps, it's self-defending.

Because, life is so unpredictable.

Before you scream, your journey on the roller coaster already ends.

I began to pray,

one thing I would remember by heart today

you only know it's sweet, when you have experienced the bitter and sour part of life

When life is too perfect, then is this really "living"?

The breath you take when you are happy probably a lot smoother than those moment you felt like pain is taking your breath away.

You probably not enjoying the bitter part, but do believe, you then would really get to appreciate the sweetness in life

Be Fearless, 

in other words, 

believe 

believe and enjoy all the up and downs.

laugh out loud, cry out loud and dont miss out a thing

 

Tears brought us closer

It's never been so painful since last Christmas.

Though been dealing with all the struggles after all these months, it came to a point where I got lost and not able to see where I am and where I am heading to.

When I ask God for help, i want to know exactly the right way to love.

When I said I want to give up, I thought this is the right thing to do and I would feel peace at heart for doing something that I thought God would appreciate.

But after having said that, I couldnt feel the peace.

Unlike last time, I knew it was right to keep a distance. At Christmas, it was painful but i could feel the peace.

This time I couldnt, whether becos the love has grown even stronger than before, or...perhaps I was really discouraged and lost.

I feel today, theres a reason why I ve made the decision to find you, to be there for you.
I want to know, I prayed and asked God.

when we both gave in ourselves and the truthful tears

nothing can replace it

Even I am the only one focusing on God, I shall protect both of us because I should believe that since i ve made the decision, God is walking with me.

Unless one day He has to take you away from me, then I'll obey and accept.

let now...we could both rest in His Arm, enjoying the seed of peace growing within our heart.

Thanks for your hand, for holding on to mine tightly.

Temptation is not a sin

Temptation is not a sin
Our decision determines what sin is.

It's true,

temptation is everywhere

Our final decision, our action counts.

Facing a temptation, I decided to run.
Because I cannot test out my limit, when I know from the beginning, theres no bottom line for all sinners.

I cannot stop temptations.

Just like a kid, if he sees candies in front of him, it is not a sin.
But if he decided to disobey rules and steal the candies, it's a sin.

At the end of the day, it's our greed that needs to be blamed.
Isnt it?

And I am grateful that beyond all these, we can really enjoy true freedom because of HIM.

God I am truly grateful, I really do.

nowhere

theres nowhere I can breathe,

even in front of God, I feel ashamed

for a long time, i havent wished i wanted to sleep forever

I am meant to be here

A friend asked do u ever leave on time for work?

I said, "Yeah, I leave at 6pm, UK time" :p

Work is hard, but it's given to you because you can handle it.

Theres nothing given to us that we cannot handle, I am quite certain of that

Mum thank you for the lunch box, thank you for the yummy late dinner and soup

A month of work felt like it's been longer than that

But I believe, I am really meant to be here, and glad to be

When you feel it's time to leave your comfort zone, do not fear.

I used to, before going to a boarding School

                before working at Swire

               before Uni

               before Oval

Key people I have met: (St.Helen's) Dear friends, boarders fellows, Mrs Wichel and Mrs Wooldridge

                                     (SOC) Ashley, So-Blessed, Rod Irene Ada

                                    (Swire) Mirander and Jennifer

                                     (Bath): BCCF, My dear coursemates and friends, SEEC people

Now, 

Oval, I found my unknown neighbour : Emily :)

Dear God, today I want to once agan thank you for putting these people in my life

When I was sitting in the car today, I think about all the miracles that have happened in my life

Theres no words I can explain, apart from a deep smile you have put on my face

Thank you