At that moment, I wasnt sure about eternity
When two people once were so closed and believed they would be together forever,
how disappointing when one turned back and loved another person?
1.02am, I felt I didnt belong there at all.
People seemed like having an amazing time around me.
And how many of them were aware of what they were doing?
How many of them were truly having a good time, or just showing people they are having a good time?
One told me "you only know how to appreciate alcohol when you have experienced its greatness"
I said "like you only know you really believe in Jesus when you have experienced his greatness"
Laugh, just laugh at me here.
Suddenly, I fear, fear of people around me.
What if things went out of control?
I had to leave, really have to.
Despite after having such a long day of work, no toilet break, non-digestible lunch
I understand the temptation to just go wild and free, and just NOT having to worry or think about anything and enjoy the presence.
After tired of faith going up and down hill constantly, and re-thinking all the goods and bads in the past
tending to find a way out of this.
Even just for that very split moment
I want to let go of faith, that I think it's restricting me, putting me in all sort of difficult situations
Yet I know I have to hold on to it.
How can we say we dont like food but we still eat? Because we need to survive.
I fear the temptation of giving up yourself for sins.
Yet, I fear more losing interest in living.
When life not matters to you anymore, there is nothing else to care.
Then it hits me.
When we lose our ambition, doesnt care about anything or even your own life, perhaps, it's self-defending.
Because, life is so unpredictable.
Before you scream, your journey on the roller coaster already ends.
I began to pray,
one thing I would remember by heart today
you only know it's sweet, when you have experienced the bitter and sour part of life
When life is too perfect, then is this really "living"?
The breath you take when you are happy probably a lot smoother than those moment you felt like pain is taking your breath away.
You probably not enjoying the bitter part, but do believe, you then would really get to appreciate the sweetness in life
Be Fearless,
in other words,
believe
believe and enjoy all the up and downs.
laugh out loud, cry out loud and dont miss out a thing
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