Having not thought about any work last night, motivated me to get up earlier today to catch up on.
First thing I opened my eyes, the sky was just gloomy grey
Closing my eyes again, wanting to try out "listening to God's whisper"
Then I felt asleep again untill 8pm ==""
Desperately wanting to hear messages from him
Never felt so eager to be back in Church
Once again, getting close to you like a child longing for home
"What a Faithful God Have I" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVOZBANNRCk
The feeling I could not explain myself
It came to "King of Kings, Majesty" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5VutCGsVXE
uncovered all the hidden feelings
I prayed before going to Church today (which I havent done so for awhile)
and what a co-incidence
John talked about Love, and Peter disowning Jesus 3 times
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another"
Our fellowship theme verse
Didnt appealed to me so much like it did today
Guilt then it is.
Jesus repeated twice, you must love one another.
Yesterday, I asked as I was reading: HOW? how could I love a person who was totally being ignorant, taking granted of you and at the end of the day not showing a single sign of apology. How to love and forgive?
It is then, when you are not expecting anything when you are able to love truly. I cared about myself too much, accusing her for mistakes because at the end of the day, I am selfish because I cared about "losing a friend of mine" rather than loving a friend.
Then I feel guilty today because I was doing what Peter did.
Since SEEC last year, It changed my life, when I know I live as a Christian, not like one.
How clear the message was today,
totally,
overwhelmed.
2011年1月16日 星期日
2011年1月15日 星期六
First BCCF 2011
Was grateful that 3 coursework are done, one more to go for Monday
yeh a few more perhaps
I thought it's always good to be busy, when one could focus on completing a task, it feels good.
Jetlag perhaps is a really good thing for me, getting up early, sleeping early- it's joyful to live like this
Things keep happening each day, some repeated, almost following a similar rhythm each day
Is there any detail that could touch your heart at certain time of the day?
First BCCF gathering today, was rather unlucky to spend 40mins waiting for a bus, I felt.
Seeing the blue bus going, seeing one that came saying "not in Service"
I decided to wait, even though 3 orange buses came.
Obviously, I dont know if I would call this "being stubborn"
It was rather not so good, choosing to be late when I couldve avoided it.
Blame the blue bus, I thought.
Now, I blame myself, when I had the choice, it was me giving it away.
It's not I cant afford to get on the Orange one, it was perhaps only I feel I had to get on the blue one, when I had already spent all that time waiting.
As simple as that, I missed out Fellowship time, perhaps it really didnt worth it, when I reviewed this small incident.
Gratefully, didnt seem to miss out too much, the movie we watched seemed okay
For a long time, havent had such group sharing.
Brothers and Sisters, I miss you all
especially when starting to count down days remaining in Bath
Sharing joy, hearing voices
I perhaps spent too much time listening to my own voice, spent too much time on asking God for what I want
Didnt get up to ask God what he wanted me to do recently
as everyday, I ask him to give me this and that
What can I give him?
If one asking his/her parents to do this and that for them
what would you do for your parents?
Listening is a challenging piece of homework
Someone asked me "how would you know, if that was your voice, or God's voice"
Ha, I asked that couple of times before too
Now, I think I know, because you will know it.
To put this down onto paper, if you read something, you would know straight away who wrote that when you know the person.
If I know my mum well, I wouldve known it came from her
I know it was God's words because I know I wouldnt have been able to think of that myself
It's getting uneasy now
I think I have tried my best to make up for it
But she seems to hate me so much
Perhaps I stared at the screen for a long time
Why? I asked so many times
when I havent done things wrong, I was the one who got abandoned, to get all the blame
unfair?
At one point I thought we were such close friends, I tried in xmas, tried again on your birthday
You seem like you dont want to speak to me ever again
It hurts
I didnt know what to ask for now, I opened up the bible, hoping to seek for God's words because, funnily enough like the girl in the movie, I couldnt hear anything.
not knowing which part I wanted to read, I want to listen to Jesus' words
so I flipped to the gospels, opened up to Mark.
Reading 14:31 particularly made me angry
Peter insisted "even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you"
BULL SHIT!
sorry..but bull shittt!
How one could say that, when in 14: 71 , he said "I dont know this man you're talking about"
)&)(#)(*$@*$)@*)(*$(*!(*(!*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peter disowns Jesus
Juda betrayed Jesus
How could Jesus wash their feet, putting himself down like that
I ve heard of this story so many times
yet they didnt touch me that much until this point
when I have experienced, when someone deceived you
It must have been heart-breaking to Jesus
It's heart breaking, because they've chosen something else? even they knew at the beginning that Jesus loves them.
People's love is so conditional
heart-breaking when you dont get what is expected
loving someone to hope someone loves you back
self-satisfying
When the whole world deserted him, he sacrificed everything
If I dont love Jesus, I think I must be crazy.
choosing something else rather than the unconditional love, dont think I would ever be satisfied
This is a great reminder I got from BCCF today
I seldom speak about love
I need not to ask what I do to make someone loves me back
As all I need to do is follow him until the end of time, not to be afraid to be abandoned again
yeh a few more perhaps
I thought it's always good to be busy, when one could focus on completing a task, it feels good.
Jetlag perhaps is a really good thing for me, getting up early, sleeping early- it's joyful to live like this
Things keep happening each day, some repeated, almost following a similar rhythm each day
Is there any detail that could touch your heart at certain time of the day?
First BCCF gathering today, was rather unlucky to spend 40mins waiting for a bus, I felt.
Seeing the blue bus going, seeing one that came saying "not in Service"
I decided to wait, even though 3 orange buses came.
Obviously, I dont know if I would call this "being stubborn"
It was rather not so good, choosing to be late when I couldve avoided it.
Blame the blue bus, I thought.
Now, I blame myself, when I had the choice, it was me giving it away.
It's not I cant afford to get on the Orange one, it was perhaps only I feel I had to get on the blue one, when I had already spent all that time waiting.
As simple as that, I missed out Fellowship time, perhaps it really didnt worth it, when I reviewed this small incident.
Gratefully, didnt seem to miss out too much, the movie we watched seemed okay
For a long time, havent had such group sharing.
Brothers and Sisters, I miss you all
especially when starting to count down days remaining in Bath
Sharing joy, hearing voices
I perhaps spent too much time listening to my own voice, spent too much time on asking God for what I want
Didnt get up to ask God what he wanted me to do recently
as everyday, I ask him to give me this and that
What can I give him?
If one asking his/her parents to do this and that for them
what would you do for your parents?
Listening is a challenging piece of homework
Someone asked me "how would you know, if that was your voice, or God's voice"
Ha, I asked that couple of times before too
Now, I think I know, because you will know it.
To put this down onto paper, if you read something, you would know straight away who wrote that when you know the person.
If I know my mum well, I wouldve known it came from her
I know it was God's words because I know I wouldnt have been able to think of that myself
It's getting uneasy now
I think I have tried my best to make up for it
But she seems to hate me so much
Perhaps I stared at the screen for a long time
Why? I asked so many times
when I havent done things wrong, I was the one who got abandoned, to get all the blame
unfair?
At one point I thought we were such close friends, I tried in xmas, tried again on your birthday
You seem like you dont want to speak to me ever again
It hurts
I didnt know what to ask for now, I opened up the bible, hoping to seek for God's words because, funnily enough like the girl in the movie, I couldnt hear anything.
not knowing which part I wanted to read, I want to listen to Jesus' words
so I flipped to the gospels, opened up to Mark.
Reading 14:31 particularly made me angry
Peter insisted "even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you"
BULL SHIT!
sorry..but bull shittt!
How one could say that, when in 14: 71 , he said "I dont know this man you're talking about"
)&)(#)(*$@*$)@*)(*$(*!(*(!*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peter disowns Jesus
Juda betrayed Jesus
How could Jesus wash their feet, putting himself down like that
I ve heard of this story so many times
yet they didnt touch me that much until this point
when I have experienced, when someone deceived you
It must have been heart-breaking to Jesus
It's heart breaking, because they've chosen something else? even they knew at the beginning that Jesus loves them.
People's love is so conditional
heart-breaking when you dont get what is expected
loving someone to hope someone loves you back
self-satisfying
When the whole world deserted him, he sacrificed everything
If I dont love Jesus, I think I must be crazy.
choosing something else rather than the unconditional love, dont think I would ever be satisfied
This is a great reminder I got from BCCF today
I seldom speak about love
I need not to ask what I do to make someone loves me back
As all I need to do is follow him until the end of time, not to be afraid to be abandoned again
2 pieces of heart-breaking sharing I heard this week from two very different people
Girls, don't get defeated by this feeling of "loneliness"
You perhaps feel lonely at the moment, but you ARE not
It's not about what you want but what is righteous.
It's amazing how we could become each other's blessing
Hey, Pinocchio, the timing was perfect, but I am seriously gona miss you when it comes to the time we travel at separate paces.
2011年1月13日 星期四
2011年1月7日 星期五
To Pinocchio
I ve never been so looking forward to be back in Bath before.
Though, there are tonnes of work waiting for me.
I used to hate my boarding school to begin with, but as time goes on, I started to look forward to be there.
I didnt want to go to Bath, as it wasnt my first or second choice uni to begin with.
But I know, God's plan is amazing
I met you Pinocchio in Bath
I met Jessica at St.Helen's
And both of you were born on the same day, both of you meant a lot to me.
In front of both of you, I need not to hide my trueself
Sometimes, when I dont wana be a tough one, I can take a break, perhaps be spoiled
I dont mind shedding tears in front of you and thinking I am a huge loser
I can borrow your shoulders, without worrying that you would move away
the truth is, Pinocchio, God brought us together, to experience Life
What is Life?
I am perhaps too young to say so
But going through all sort of things, and then
been lost, been found
we found love
And after reading your words,
I find love, that made me once again, shed tears not of sadness
but joy :)
I love you and I truly do
I cant wait to see you
Though, there are tonnes of work waiting for me.
I used to hate my boarding school to begin with, but as time goes on, I started to look forward to be there.
I didnt want to go to Bath, as it wasnt my first or second choice uni to begin with.
But I know, God's plan is amazing
I met you Pinocchio in Bath
I met Jessica at St.Helen's
And both of you were born on the same day, both of you meant a lot to me.
In front of both of you, I need not to hide my trueself
Sometimes, when I dont wana be a tough one, I can take a break, perhaps be spoiled
I dont mind shedding tears in front of you and thinking I am a huge loser
I can borrow your shoulders, without worrying that you would move away
the truth is, Pinocchio, God brought us together, to experience Life
What is Life?
I am perhaps too young to say so
But going through all sort of things, and then
been lost, been found
we found love
And after reading your words,
I find love, that made me once again, shed tears not of sadness
but joy :)
I love you and I truly do
I cant wait to see you
2011年1月5日 星期三
Love heals everything, Jesus is Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLNL49TFC_8&feature=relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=badS4YnRwkE&feature=related
When truth hurts, would people choose to hear it? Even I think the truth wouldnt change my decision, today I made my choice.
I have never been so afraid of hearing truth, possibly the closest feeling I had was when my brother called to tell me about the death of Grandma. But that was rather more unexpected.
This time, I think I knew it. I wasnt entirely sure if I would like to hear.
Foolish perhaps if it meant to ease one's guilt, I was afraid to get hurt
I prayed over and over again, asking for courage. I didnt have the courage to believe in people, yet I had it today to hear the truth.
That feeling was not what I expected. I thought of all possibilities
I could cry out loud/screaming and looking ridiculous.
Or I am aiming, to be cool and act as if it does not affect me. Mature and calm.
But none of those happened.
I was speechless. I wanted to speak but my muscles seemed to be unable to project my voice out. There were so many thoughts occuring at the same time in my brain which I could not register.
Sadness? Anger? Fear?
I didnt know how long I sat there for.
All I could feel was sadness, as I know it wont be the same anymore
I think of what was happening a few weeks ago, and where I was sitting, why I was there
Everything seemed to have messed up
It was not fair, was I jealous? was I disappointed?
Time paused. I tried my very best, then I asked God, why is this happening?
Why is it ME? Where is God? I was walking with you, I always have faith in you, and that moment
things that happpened nearly could smash all that up
I lost all energies, never felt like this in my life when I thought I am a tough one.
I wish I could rely, or even open up to someone one day
But no.
After awhile, I could hear him speak, he said, "be strong, be the Sharon as you have always been"
I finally, cried. asking back Where are you lord?
Why throwing all these at me
and miraculously, in my mind I know one thing very clear.
Hard to believe I could hear such clear thoughts when I was in that mess
God wont throw difficulties at you when he knows you cant take it
So at that moment, I was sure, I can be strong
I started talking again, gathering, sorting out thoughts
I had the courage to look into his eyes
That moment, I know, forgiveness is possible.
If I need something really bad and seek for forgiveness, I know how badly I wanted to be forgiven.
And God accepted me.
So this time, I know I should do the same. It was easier than I thought.
When I was in deep anger last night, today it diminished straight away.
Rather, it was love.
God's love took away my sadness, reminded me and he responded to my prayer.
Because he did, I could forgive, and share that love with him again, as pure friends.
Everything was totally unexpected.
I didnt need a lot of cheering up from anyone, apart from Jessica.
Because God gave me the courage to face and to hear the truth.
To accept it with a peaceful heart (well it wasnt at all to begin with)
Everything I have been through, use all of these for your glory lord.
Because of you, I am still able to forgive, to love and to give thanks.
I am hoping, if you are reading this
you will one day, share this amazing grace, and love with me, with all brothers and sisters in fellowship or anywhere else in the world
that true love is really an amazing things
Though I have not yet found my Issac to share with me
but I know, everything is planned.
I truly wish, you one day, put down your pride, for our dear father can take away your loneliness, your emptiness, your fear, your weakness
He embraces all, every sins, he would forgive
This is the right path, and the only way to find God because he is Love.
I would never forget today
God he made everything right, he fixed things
the full stop of today, is finished with Love, thankfulness, grace
not tears (we had enough already today) but a smile
When truth hurts, would people choose to hear it? Even I think the truth wouldnt change my decision, today I made my choice.
I have never been so afraid of hearing truth, possibly the closest feeling I had was when my brother called to tell me about the death of Grandma. But that was rather more unexpected.
This time, I think I knew it. I wasnt entirely sure if I would like to hear.
Foolish perhaps if it meant to ease one's guilt, I was afraid to get hurt
I prayed over and over again, asking for courage. I didnt have the courage to believe in people, yet I had it today to hear the truth.
That feeling was not what I expected. I thought of all possibilities
I could cry out loud/screaming and looking ridiculous.
Or I am aiming, to be cool and act as if it does not affect me. Mature and calm.
But none of those happened.
I was speechless. I wanted to speak but my muscles seemed to be unable to project my voice out. There were so many thoughts occuring at the same time in my brain which I could not register.
Sadness? Anger? Fear?
I didnt know how long I sat there for.
All I could feel was sadness, as I know it wont be the same anymore
I think of what was happening a few weeks ago, and where I was sitting, why I was there
Everything seemed to have messed up
It was not fair, was I jealous? was I disappointed?
Time paused. I tried my very best, then I asked God, why is this happening?
Why is it ME? Where is God? I was walking with you, I always have faith in you, and that moment
things that happpened nearly could smash all that up
I lost all energies, never felt like this in my life when I thought I am a tough one.
I wish I could rely, or even open up to someone one day
But no.
After awhile, I could hear him speak, he said, "be strong, be the Sharon as you have always been"
I finally, cried. asking back Where are you lord?
Why throwing all these at me
and miraculously, in my mind I know one thing very clear.
Hard to believe I could hear such clear thoughts when I was in that mess
God wont throw difficulties at you when he knows you cant take it
So at that moment, I was sure, I can be strong
I started talking again, gathering, sorting out thoughts
I had the courage to look into his eyes
That moment, I know, forgiveness is possible.
If I need something really bad and seek for forgiveness, I know how badly I wanted to be forgiven.
And God accepted me.
So this time, I know I should do the same. It was easier than I thought.
When I was in deep anger last night, today it diminished straight away.
Rather, it was love.
God's love took away my sadness, reminded me and he responded to my prayer.
Because he did, I could forgive, and share that love with him again, as pure friends.
Everything was totally unexpected.
I didnt need a lot of cheering up from anyone, apart from Jessica.
Because God gave me the courage to face and to hear the truth.
To accept it with a peaceful heart (well it wasnt at all to begin with)
Everything I have been through, use all of these for your glory lord.
Because of you, I am still able to forgive, to love and to give thanks.
I am hoping, if you are reading this
you will one day, share this amazing grace, and love with me, with all brothers and sisters in fellowship or anywhere else in the world
that true love is really an amazing things
Though I have not yet found my Issac to share with me
but I know, everything is planned.
I truly wish, you one day, put down your pride, for our dear father can take away your loneliness, your emptiness, your fear, your weakness
He embraces all, every sins, he would forgive
This is the right path, and the only way to find God because he is Love.
I would never forget today
God he made everything right, he fixed things
the full stop of today, is finished with Love, thankfulness, grace
not tears (we had enough already today) but a smile
2011年1月4日 星期二
Hold me tight
Hold me tight God
If I cannot feel it, hold me tighter.
You can embrace everything. You embraced me,
when I feel fragile, you are the one who made me strong.
You understand everything, I need not to tell, you know me better than anyone.
I offer my life to you now.
Bless the ones who are hurt, no matter they hurt someone or been hurt by anyone
I pray for your forgiveness.
Yesterday, I stood by the sea-side, your presence was stronger than anything else
Because I know, no matter how pathetic I am, You love me more than anyone.
Love, tell me about it Lord
Teach me
Like what Jesus did
Your love does not bring jealousy, does not bring injury, no lies
Nothing is more faithful, peaceful and joyful, and promising.
You have now shown me.
I pray, I ask and I give thanks.
The three things I should do all the time
How hard it is for me to say thanks when I am hurt, its just sounds sarcastic.
I didnt get smashed up cos you ve been with me all the way
and now I ask
hold me tight Lord because I really need it
If I cannot feel it, hold me tighter.
You can embrace everything. You embraced me,
when I feel fragile, you are the one who made me strong.
You understand everything, I need not to tell, you know me better than anyone.
I offer my life to you now.
Bless the ones who are hurt, no matter they hurt someone or been hurt by anyone
I pray for your forgiveness.
Yesterday, I stood by the sea-side, your presence was stronger than anything else
Because I know, no matter how pathetic I am, You love me more than anyone.
Love, tell me about it Lord
Teach me
Like what Jesus did
Your love does not bring jealousy, does not bring injury, no lies
Nothing is more faithful, peaceful and joyful, and promising.
You have now shown me.
I pray, I ask and I give thanks.
The three things I should do all the time
How hard it is for me to say thanks when I am hurt, its just sounds sarcastic.
I didnt get smashed up cos you ve been with me all the way
and now I ask
hold me tight Lord because I really need it
訂閱：
文章 (Atom)