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Hi Cheung Jau, havent been there since Jan.

Last time I went there with a heavy heart, but with a really nice group of support friends. Remained strong, remained in faith.

Today, went back there again and didnt realise the town is quite pretty at night. The environment didnt change much, but I feel I am different. 

nice place, innocent people, heart warming greetings, country music.

Different from seeing drunk people, club music, all distraction delaying people to see the most precious thing in life.

Not about 'having fun'

But spending as much time as you can with people you love.

I looked up the sky at the hill top, I saw the sea, the clear sky and the moon. 

I only prayed for one thing at that moment.

"I want to use my remaining time to love God and people I know"

recalled all the struggles and sins I committed in the past days.

I had pride, I felt I deserved to be treated in a better way.

I am exhausted, for hating someone so badly. I never hated a person so badly in my life i felt everything were taken away and against me. I even felt she ruined my life, mucked up my plan. I looked down on that person because I felt she had no rights to take away anything cos she doesnt even deserve to mess around. 

Yeh, I know so many pretty girls who mess around her, but I really dont get what boys see in their eyes.

I didnt understand when I looked at her face, how could one still smile like that. 

I hate her because she could easily selfishly do such shameful things. 

I once prayed and asked God to punish her, if not, then punish me.

God, it isnt fair. I came a long way. 

I hated the TV, hated all those movies magazines projecting and making sex so disgraceful.

When I believe it's the best thing you created to make two people closer in their marriage, it should be out of love.

Why nowadays, I just see it as the most disgusting thing ever.

Why people cheat their husband or wife behind their back?

Why people do it for fun

Why people do it for money

Why I asked too many times even I am sick of asking

Last week, I thought, if this world is so disgusting, I want to die. Let me die now. 

I really dont want to see anymore.

I am scared, I am afraid. I feel like to vomit.

Reading the Lost Son story really made me cry.

I couldnt help it, I have to admitt, I am exactly like the older son.

God you love those I hate. They dont know you  and you forgive them.

This puts me into deep guilt everytime when I thought of the past experience.

God it is so hard to forgive. I cared about myself, getting hurt and betrayed, and You care about her.

You care about all those people committing sins out there.

Today, I said to myself, God loves you.

I didnt really feel the Love before when other people kept saying it around me.

But I felt it today.

and I want to tell You,

I am tired of using my standard to judge the world

I am tired to critising people's sins

I am tired of living in shame and guilt.

God today as Mid-autumn festival, I see lots of Love out there.

I see You too.

Today I particularly miss Gor Gor

He didnt know, he was badly wounded in relationship.

But his testimony is a real blessing to me.

For he had already overcome because of You.

And I want to believe too, One day my experience, can bless the others too.

I can overcome anything, because Love overcomes sins.

Happy Mid -Autumn Festival

I really miss Sin Gor gor today.