Time changed,people changed

That's all

‎"Watch your thoughts for they become words. Watch your words for they become actions. Watch your actions for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny! What we think we become"


"If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman."


You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it


its a marathon where I dont know where the finish line is

New year resolution

I have one main resolution this year
I have to sort out this feeling...Need to pray hard for God to give me strength for forgiveness.

Even though it hurts if the picture of that person pops up, I need to forgive, I dont know how to forget something so easily

but it's time to face it up and stop mourning and let this feeling haunt me for the rest of my life and affecting my relationship.

so...everytime if I am tempted to look up something I should never see again, I shall pray to Father, to keep myself away

Tough time is when one feel unsupported

Answer doesn't come instantly when I asked for it

Perhaps,even when one tells you he or she could do anything for you

I never trust those words

Humans like us, are weak when facing our environment

One could probably never understands if they never got let down by someone they trust

After these months,I understand why we ought to learn how to forgive

Those who can truly forgive are probably those who understands human's weakness

Pride, selfishness

I tried to forgive and got tired
What let this relationship happens is because of his love at presence

And I love him
Too

Yet it's so hard to say so because I know it hurts so badly when one told you they love you and then did something probs put of their control
To hurt u

If I hurt you one day then these words would become lies

I know myself nowadays that I am also a selfish person
I wasn't afraid of getting hurt because I have strong faith in my heart

Now I am afraid, terribly afraid of putting something above my priortu

Never to expect someone for u at anytime
Because it doesn't happen in reality

But I know God is
He is real

Today again
Incredibly feeling insecure

Regretted for spitting out bitter words to make myself feel better

Each time
When I am
Doing this

The inside of me seemed to lead me on to say more to destroy this relationship

I wanted to go back to the old days

The old self seemed to be stronger than I am now

I don't think I am doing fine


Feeling regretted to spit bitter words to make myself feel better


I feel regretted
The inside me seemed to lead me on to destroy this relationship

It's tough times to think I am alone

As time goes on,it gets bitter and bitter

The problem is as time goes on I began to carry this out all alone
At the beginning
I know how to share the load with God

And don't know since when
I began to do this all alone an think I can do better
Unconsciously thinking I could handle this and I can share 'other' things with him

Forgotten He is part of my life

I thought I could do this

And realized there's only so little one can do
I thought I could be tough

When I look at this relationship, how much more
Harm can I do to it?

Sometimes it almost feels like the end of it

I realized my love is conditional
And not a good example of His greatest love

When seeing the limit and the end of human's conditional love
Made me
Once again look upon His unconditional love

Our concept puts us to think that we need to have sometime to trade for love
To get in position to beloved

I am so stupid

I have accepted the greatest gift already
The greatest love of all

In days to come I got
To remind myself every so often when I started to feel weak

To remind myself once again
Who gave up His precious life for me so that however awful I feel
There is still faith hope

And love




I probably can understand

What makes me uncomfortable is knowing what he's been through but I haven't

Yet I always thought till this point,I am the only one who is still trapped

The truth is it's not just about understanding weakness
It's about forgiving even u don't understand

I tried and I get tired
Because knowing someone u love who once seemed didn't love you
Is a horrible feeling

It's might be easier to move on without this feeling

Yet what let this happens is because his love at presence

And I love him
Too

But I fear to say this out often
C

sensitive

it's a sensitive timing,

sensitive place

Sensitive old passages of blogs

I dislike that place
I dislike the smell,the touch everything

I dislike Cheung jau,
I dislike central that closed bar

I dislike empty words

I dislike you pulling me to the place that left me a huge scar in my life
If taking me back to that place is for your convenience,for u to work smoothly

I don't know anymore what I mean to you

You said you care about all sort of little things

I am sorry

You don't know me,you just don't
Perhaps now,you won't even remember te existence of this blog

You aren't the you in march.


We both changed

Not sure,

If

For good

Releasing

It feels so good to be back in close relationship with God.

Though at the beginning, I almost felt leading worship and bible study could be a burden.
I didnt know how to squeeze anymore time out of such tight schedules,
but God you really are amazing, there are only so much we could do but you made us complete, made us as a whole.

As I read more about Jonah, the sharing time with my dear Sis Tracy, and the practice worship time with the brothers and sisters, God I see how you want us to build this close fellowship with each other, by encouraging and praying for each other, in your name.

I am glad and grateful that I could be part of your great plan Lord.
At certain points, I have doubts whether I could really lead the bible study when I physically havent sorted out my problems yet.

At first, I only see the connection of how Jonah and I were both rebellious against your decision.
I didnt understand how You could have compassion on those who doesnt even respect or treasure your grace.
I hated it that God you love those people I hated,
those who I thought took away my happiness forever

But you reminded me such valuable message, more important than the school work that I worried about, is the personal problems which I have been dealing with since so long ago.

From back than I decided to forgive, to struggling about not able to forgive and
I focus on the things I cared most. I see purity as something physical, but God you have compassion on those who turned away from sins, and changes in their life.

I proudly thought I am the one who got hurt, got scared.
But I was the one who didnt have compassion, not even for the one I thought I love.
I thought I love him
I thought I know what is best for him
I thought I do anything to meet what I considered to be perfect.

Yet you reminded me, I am also the one who needs to be forgiven, upon all the horrible words I ever spitted on people

Even I thought I am not the qualified one, you need not to use me, but you still willing to let me experience all these so I can come back to you.

Father, I laid on my bed once again, thought about the hard times when I woke up in mid-nights, in tears, at those time, even I was alone, I knew you were with me, I felt your arms embraced me.

So because I am already previledged to have your love, and you showed me eternity, faith, hope and love
I asked myself today, am I willing to take my things that could hurt me?

I couldnt help but tears already filled up my eyes
Father if only again, because you are with me, the pain that are yet to come, I am willing to take them all because I have you. If taking the pain means bringing blessings to the others , then please do so.

God, the tears I had ,each drop represented the very deep regret from the bottom of my heart
regretted I didnt love people like the way you do
yet they were joyful tears as God you brought me through all these and now I stand before you with the ones I love.

Lord, I am willing to wait, in order to be restored.
I once only cared about how to not forgive people easily, how to achieve the "fairness"
I focused on school work, I prayed for u to physically solve my problems.

But you know me so well, those problems are not the fundamental things I need to be healed.
It's myself, the pride, the grief, the hatre I had for a stranger
The blames I had on my currently loved one

Thank you today you took me to release all these in front of you
and Lord, I pray today,

Be patient, be wise
Be close to you
be faithful, be hopeful
and most importantly, be a loving person

that's meaning more than I think it is.

Father, thank you, for all the things I have, not because I am righteous cos I am not
yet you are Love.

life can be quite shattered apart when you no longer have faith

and i see mine is cracking unconsciously every sec ticking by

so it is then, another month is gone by