To Pinocchio

I ve never been so looking forward to be back in Bath before.
Though, there are tonnes of work waiting for me.

I used to hate my boarding school to begin with, but as time goes on, I started to look forward to be there.
I didnt want to go to Bath, as it wasnt my first or second choice uni to begin with.

But I know, God's plan is amazing
I met you Pinocchio in Bath
I met Jessica at St.Helen's
And both of you were born on the same day, both of you meant a lot to me.

In front of both of you, I need not to hide my trueself

Sometimes, when I dont wana be a tough one, I can take a break, perhaps be spoiled
I dont mind shedding tears in front of you and thinking I am a huge loser

I can borrow your shoulders, without worrying that you would move away

the truth is, Pinocchio, God brought us together, to experience Life

What is Life?
I am perhaps too young to say so

But going through all sort of things, and then
been lost, been found
we found love

And after reading your words,
I find love, that made me once again, shed tears not of sadness
but joy :)

I love you and I truly do

I cant wait to see you

Love heals everything, Jesus is Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLNL49TFC_8&feature=relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=badS4YnRwkE&feature=related

When truth hurts, would people choose to hear it? Even I think the truth wouldnt change my decision, today I made my choice.


I have never been so afraid of hearing truth, possibly the closest feeling I had was when my brother called to tell me about the death of Grandma. But that was rather more unexpected.

This time, I think I knew it. I wasnt entirely sure if I would like to hear.
Foolish perhaps if it meant to ease one's guilt, I was afraid to get hurt
I prayed over and over again, asking for courage. I didnt have the courage to believe in people, yet I had it today to hear the truth.

That feeling was not what I expected. I thought of all possibilities
I could cry out loud/screaming and looking ridiculous.
Or I am aiming, to be cool and act as if it does not affect me. Mature and calm.

But none of those happened.
I was speechless. I wanted to speak but my muscles seemed to be unable to project my voice out. There were so many thoughts occuring at the same time in my brain which I could not register.

Sadness? Anger? Fear?
I didnt know how long I sat there for.

All I could feel was sadness, as I know it wont be the same anymore
I think of what was happening a few weeks ago, and where I was sitting, why I was there

Everything seemed to have messed up
It was not fair, was I jealous? was I disappointed?
Time paused. I tried my very best, then I asked God, why is this happening?

Why is it ME? Where is God? I was walking with you, I always have faith in you, and that moment
things that happpened nearly could smash all that up

I lost all energies, never felt like this in my life when I thought I am a tough one.
I wish I could rely, or even open up to someone one day

But no.

After awhile, I could hear him speak, he said, "be strong, be the Sharon as you have always been"

I finally, cried. asking back Where are you lord?
Why throwing all these at me

and miraculously, in my mind I know one thing very clear.
Hard to believe I could hear such clear thoughts when I was in that mess

God wont throw difficulties at you when he knows you cant take it
So at that moment, I was sure, I can be strong

I started talking again, gathering, sorting out thoughts
I had the courage to look into his eyes

That moment, I know, forgiveness is possible.
If I need something really bad and seek for forgiveness, I know how badly I wanted to be forgiven.
And God accepted me.

So this time, I know I should do the same. It was easier than I thought.
When I was in deep anger last night, today it diminished straight away.
Rather, it was love.
God's love took away my sadness, reminded me and he responded to my prayer.
Because he did, I could forgive, and share that love with him again, as pure friends.
Everything was totally unexpected.

I didnt need a lot of cheering up from anyone, apart from Jessica.
Because God gave me the courage to face and to hear the truth.
To accept it with a peaceful heart (well it wasnt at all to begin with)

Everything I have been through, use all of these for your glory lord.
Because of you, I am still able to forgive, to love and to give thanks.
I am hoping, if you are reading this

you will one day, share this amazing grace, and love with me, with all brothers and sisters in fellowship or anywhere else in the world

that true love is really an amazing things

Though I have not yet found my Issac to share with me
but I know, everything is planned.

I truly wish, you one day, put down your pride, for our dear father can take away your loneliness, your emptiness, your fear, your weakness

He embraces all, every sins, he would forgive
This is the right path, and the only way to find God because he is Love.

I would never forget today

God he made everything right, he fixed things
the full stop of today, is finished with Love, thankfulness, grace

not tears (we had enough already today) but a smile

Hold me tight

Hold me tight God

If I cannot feel it, hold me tighter.

You can embrace everything. You embraced me,

when I feel fragile, you are the one who made me strong.

You understand everything, I need not to tell, you know me better than anyone.

I offer my life to you now.

Bless the ones who are hurt, no matter they hurt someone or been hurt by anyone

I pray for your forgiveness.

Yesterday, I stood by the sea-side, your presence was stronger than anything else
Because I know, no matter how pathetic I am, You love me more than anyone.

Love, tell me about it Lord

Teach me

Like what Jesus did

Your love does not bring jealousy, does not bring injury, no lies

Nothing is more faithful, peaceful and joyful, and promising.

You have now shown me.

I pray, I ask and I give thanks.

The three things I should do all the time
How hard it is for me to say thanks when I am hurt, its just sounds sarcastic.

I didnt get smashed up cos you ve been with me all the way

and now I ask

hold me tight Lord because I really need it

2011.01.01

looking back at the targets set from last year...
feeling rather ashamed that I didnt manage to reach a few of them.

it's hard to put people before yourselves all the time

I failed to do this again

May be he is right about :how about change it to "most of the time" instead of "all"

sounds like a plan to me :)

It's not the matter of 'mo sor wei' anymore

Its never the same

Even they look identical,
They are not the same.

Reminded me of good old times
Chancy

If people could go to heaven after death, what about you?
Chancy, if I would see you anywhere else in the world?

I miss you, we all miss you

All that matters

A lot of people told me to "follow my heart" when I cant make a decision.

I heard it again today

I am not sure if I am gona like being who I am if I follow my heart.

If I try to be someone I'd like myself to be, I surely am able to do it.

But it's blue.

Yeah, I would rather step back

I am not losing anything and I am not gaining anything

Like cycling. today I see the very beautiful side of HK, they really made me feel excited
I saw this really extraordinary view, and all I could do was cycling by.

Admiring it.
Yea, what else I can do.

Very rarely, I saw many stars shimmering in Hong Kong
They made me feel particularly lonely today.

I took a deep breath, trying to feel something inside.

searching for that joy I had today.

Gratefulness

Havent felt so grateful to be back in Hong Kong for awhile.
Though, it was kind of unlucky that the flight was cancelled on Sat.

On the other hand, it makes me realise that I am a very fortunate person. With a home in London to go back to when everyone else got stranded. I got someone waiting for me at home- yes, my dear brother.

When I got home that day in the snow, as i dragged my suitcase towards the door-step. My heart was pounding, exhausted after a long day of travelling and waiting.

There he opened the door, with a warm welcoming face. That moment, I think I forgot all the troubles that I had been through. Was lucky to bump into David too at the airport, a friend to keep you company home, I was grateful.

Since been having a really busy time in Bath, home felt extra cosy. That bowl of pasta tasted particularly delicious (when havent had proper food for the day- nothing to do with his cooking to b honest...haha)

Another phone call from Jess.
Surprisingly, didnt feel fustrated at all, but peaceful.
There was no places better than home.

On the next day, things began to worry me, when calling the airline N times with no answers.
I seriously began to feel anxious.
Sitting there waiting for news, refreshing heathrow and CX homepage every now and then. Rarely, I did not appreciate the snow at all. When I see how mum and dad trying every way to sort out the problem, I know I got to be patient. But I guess I didnt sound cheerful at all on skype or phone.

Bro got home that day, bought lots of food for hot pot. He was half joking saying "well we can spend the xmas together having hot-pot everyday if we dont get to go back to HK"

Oh that didnt really make me feeling better to have hot-pot EVERYDAY. But watching him, chopping the veggie up and setting up the table, I felt guilty. Am I spoiled? I began to help out setting things up too. If the flight hasnt been cancelled, I guess I wouldnt have a night like this with him.

I guess I miss him a lot during the term time. It was time to gather myself up to do something productive- i.e. Work? after spending a whole day in bed, waiting for time to tick by.

Was preparing to standby at the airport the next day. Didnt have to since mum managed to do the re-booking. I should enjoy the last day of white christmas. Shame didnt get to catch my st.helen''s girlies but I think I am one of the most fortunate person with all those caring texts.
I truly wish to see them all very soon in 2011.

Finally, get to fly out.
After all that waiting, I can only say I feel grateful.
Grateful to have home with a brother there.
Grateful to have friends and INTERNET
Grateful to have such cool parents

Most importantly, grateful to have God, with me all the time.
Its just grateful to feel grateful.

And now, I am home again in Hong Kong with my be-loved ones.

Ah...Merry Christmas Sharon Sin!!!