Waiting. Snow

Finally, Crit is done for the year.
Second year will soon be over, a new chapter shall begin, nightmare of FINDING a placement. hmm should be ok I guess, things usually turn out ok so best to stay positive at this stage and really looking forward to family time in xmas :D

I used to mind about the Crit alot, seriously now thinking back, architecture is a life-long experience, that 20/30mins Crit shouldnt affect my passion at all. In fact, it's good this time they criticise it, making me realise how  eager i was to defend my design.

As Dyfed has said 'You dont change your entire design to avoid the problem, you keep it and you deal with it until you find the solution"

I know I have not done well enough, but even I have done better, probably would never have been satisfied. That's why all nighters always happen.

And only through this, I enjoy the freedom more. It't not that you cant have a life being an architectural student, in fact, you feel much more alive after working very hard on something you passionate about, then you treasure that break more than anything else.

That's how i felt then, with Beta and Helen. Sometimes it bothers me that it seems i never had the time to spend with them even simply just for a cup of tea. After spending a whole day together, well probably the best time i had with them during this second year semester.

As, for the last day of semester of 2010, the snow was just extraa prweettty :)
For the first time, holding hands was something I once dreamt of
It was cold and
It was warm.

Ive been subconsciously thinking that I am in deep trouble
as trying as hard as I can to preserve this feeling, to conserve myself away because I simply felt it does not belong to me.

I began to confuse with that voice rising inside me
When I pray, that if it does not belong to me, take my feelings away please
Yet, I started to not behaving like myself. If this feeling is getting deeper, is this my will? or in Christ's will.

You gave me freedom yet I cannot make the decision

Simply because

I am afraid.

If I cant make the decision, I ask God now what do you actually want me to do
If I decide to go for it, I have doubts in myself of how stable I can maintain the relationship with God

But one thing I know is, God you told me to wait, and I know

I am not waiting alone