Not so easily to be forgiven and certainly not so easily to be forgotten

It's again one of those moments

I really start to think I should have already got used to it
It's bothering me

I don't understand,the more you love,the more forgiving you can be
The more you hate, the less forgiving one can be

It doesnt make sense now when I find it harder and harder to forgive when I m more in love
I wish someone could take my memory away

I wish I can start things over
It's frustrating when I believe I should be living free of the restrictions and value what god values

What people seems to concern or value bring constraints,
It either puts you in situation that u see no values in yourself compares to the others
It gives you doubts

The moment not sure how to deal with the pain,
I prayEd,

I miss year 1
Missing those times when both Of us so innocent
When we have so clear goals in mind

Pure Love and holiness

That's what we are after

But once I finally met my first love
The reality makes me feel
The feeling is not purely love
It comes with a mixture of things which I don't like
Including pride, jealousy, selfishness

After nearly a year now
I havent been able to completely forgive and forget what happened between the two

And

I havent been able to forgive myself of no bein able to let these go
Can't forgivE myself not able tO do what I hav promised god
Not able to forgive me not bEing able to glorify him

I am constantly living and loving with fear
That onE day; these feelings these actions
Will separate us, forever

It's true
Sins separate all relationship
That's why Jesus died for us to show the unconditional love

I really do understand
But god? This is my struggle more than anything else
There Are always problems hidden that doesn't want to be touched
Cos knowing once touched will cause another argument
We flight