As the mp3 goes through the play list randomly, this song again came back to me.

Funny that each song seems to bring back different memories at different period of time.

Particularly, this one reminded me of last summer, watching a Japanese Drama called : 

"無法坦誠相對"

It's a rather sad sorry to me even though it doesnt involve any "cancer/memory lost/dying etc"
But it's the fear and self-pride that people cannot let go of in the modern world, hence always missing out or sacrificing the beloved ones.
Last summer, I remember everytime I go to the gym, this song would always push me working very hard until I feel that I could almost faint, feeling the strong heart beats every seconds.

Today hearing this song, even though it's in Japanese, but it recalled certain scenes from the drama, and also...recalled a few scenes in the past of my life.
Suddenly couldnt help
What was I doing last summer, who I was thinking of?
How have I changed throughout this year?
When the feeling is hidden inside somewhere, I didnt feel I did anything wrong.
But seeing the other one not able to understand yourself, perhaps is a painful thing.

I pray to God, I give thanks to Him

Interesting to see the chinese translation of the lyrics, the best bit about the song, is not having to understand japanese, but experiencing the soul of it.

若只是触碰 就能保护你  
那我现在就想把你拉到身边 拥入怀里  

想要一直爱著你 把心意告诉你  
却无法对你坦白 “...I miss you”  

在空无一人的回家路上 两人走在一片宁静里  
心中彷佛快要蹦出的悸动 你是否听见？  

“你紧闭的双唇里 是否有著深沉的爱？”  
但当你出现在眼前 我却什麼都问不出来  

总是内心你占据  
被你的温柔包围  
却无法对你坦白“...I miss you”  

在别人面前决不哭泣 决定这样活下去  
可在你面前 却会胸口炙热 眼泪彷佛就要掉下来  

“在你温暖的臂膀中 对我说的话是不是有什麼意义？”  
在抱著的你的背上 我轻轻低语  

想要一直在你身边 不想让你一个人孤孤单单  
想要感受全部的温暖 I belive you  

这不是发生奇迹 这是命运的牵引  
被拉近的两人 从此不会再分离  

想要一直看到你的笑颜  
一直被你的温柔包围  
却无法对你坦白  

想要一直爱著你 把心意告诉你  
却无法对你坦白 “...I miss you”   

I am a great big water fish.

:(

More of HIm, Less of Me

The more I think about the past, I see mistakes
The more I think about the future, I see challenges
The more I think about the presence, I see concerns
The more I think about myself, I see selfishness and shame

However,

The more I think about God, I see Love
When it is about the future, I see Hope
When It is about the past, I see blessings
When It is about the presence, I see faith

Being able to see clearly who you are, a true blessing in my life

Searching for memories

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX0Dvtvev1E


Watching this link the other day made me think alot.


La Maison en Petits Cubes


The Mansion in little cubes


Do people search for memories in their city?
Perhaps, going into a completely new place, then the experience is probably strange


But I guess, at some point in life
We end up being in the old places, and we would be unconsciously retrieving memories


Today, my colleague told me about an interesting story about an invisible city, whoever entering the city would lose all their memories, and they need to find their missing fragments in different parts of the city as they explore the place.


Which is actually, quite inspiring.


Sometimes, I wish going to some new places to leave some new footprints, but because having walked so many times in circles, I could no longer make any mark there


Sometimes, going back to old places, I wish to retrieve some memories for so long ago, and probably not the recent ones


Sometimes I feel lost I dont know where I am coming from and where I am going to


So I walk there and then, not sure what to do
I guess the prints dont get fade away, they just got muddled up


When you see a place with so many footprints, the paths get so diverted


If memories are like photoshop, i wish i could delete some layers and make it perfect


But God said it's not about making it perfect, but take part in the journey in his presence


That's probably what I have missed out 

Maturity

Time to be mature

It's time to be mature

I got to be mature

I told myself many times today

A proper rest means quality time with God

Only at these moments,

I realised all those things which are precious.

I never thought that not able getting a job YET can be something so blessed.

My dear Brother been subtly supportive, both spiritually and actively. Keeping my in prayers all the time, telling me, teaching me to rest, to be patient and not to be affected by the others.

Brothers and Sisters at both BCCF and So-Blessed- I ve never actually able to see myself being so loved.
Particularly, group2, thanks for all support and looking forward to our re-u in London in the very near future.
Trawcy Scum, my twinie, I am glad to have a sis like you that we share the same vision and focus in God. Let's praise and glorify him :)

Ashley, thanks for all your support, both for BCCF and myself, your advices and care, and your sarcasm.
Rod and Irene, the couple always speak encouraging things :D
My bible study group, every Sunday, my faith is always restored after such joyful bonding time.

St.Helen's buddies, if I had to work, I probably wont have time to see you all again, so I cant wait for the following tea parties and birthday parties and re-union again next week!

My aunt, though I never asked for any help, thanks so much for looking out for opportunities for me.

Jennifer, my sweet supervisor, thanks for everything, offering me freelance work, helping me to look for placement and always sending me encouraging and exciting arty passages to read! Ive never thought our friendship could turn out so great.

Beaummont and Jessica Cheng: my two beloved dodgy friends. Beaummont you teased the jobless me, but yet you and jess made me laugh all the time.

Jana Goehner, shame I couldnt visit you in Germany when I thought I couldve found a job by now. Thanks so much for your supportive messages, I will defo come and see you in Germany next year! I promise.

Elisabeta Ling: Yes i realised if i have got a job, i wouldnt have those amazing sharing time with you on the phone, london and bath, so I wouldnt ask for more la :) you are a great friend!

Romeo Chang: hmm wat can i say about you? Just want to thanks for everything, even at immature times, you ve been supportive. Clearly we are both getting mature under the guidance of God. No matter at So blessed fellowship, or EBS after lunch, Church times, out of church times, I never thought that we could have such sharing again after anything happened in the past. I give thanks :)

I spent sometime today, sitting alone, trying to pray (like how Pastor Chan taught us last Saturday)
I looked back, I realised, Ive taken too much for granted, I simply really have amazing friends and family, brothers and sisters.

Like Moses, if I had to sort out things using my own ways, I ended up with nothing. But knowing to rely on God, I could treasure those around me and He will guide my way.

Yet I kept over worrying about some tiny issues. At the end of the day, this is to be sorted because I know,

I have faith.

This short review really made me happy.

Love is really all around when I know God is with me all the time.

321....GO!

Finally sitting back in my bedroom,

Finally got some private time alone
And finally reviewing my life as well after celebrating so many friends' birthday within such a short while.

My dear friend, thanks everything you shared during my stay.
Thank you for your understanding, your care and your encouragement.
I had joyous time with you, travelling together, hanging out, just the two of us- girles time I have to say is always the awesome time.

You see things in me that most other people dont see
I have to say I appreciate those precious moments when we laid our hearts bare out in front of each other.

And then, without much planning, we seemed to have gone a little crazy
Could be described as "kwu chuet hui" ?
We hung out to Bristol, to do the things we wanted to do.

I am glad, that some moments we probably lost some discipline
But we afforded to do so.
I know, you have been tough, been lonely, been anxious

I guess I would describe this as "holiday" a proper one which we really left our worries behind and to enjoy what were in front of us.

Relaxed completely
Smiled all the way

Seeing everyone else enjoying themselves, I could not describe that satisfaction.
Singing K , Walking around Bath, Ice-cream, hot chocolate all those inclusive moments- I would say it's the real fellowship.

321 seems to make sense followed by the word "Go"
yeah, stepping out of a comfort zone- a breakthrough

I prayed to ask: what is faith. When bible stated it so clearly, it didnt click until I have experienced it in life.
When you have no proof, perhaps no evidence at all but that slight push for you to believe in something so deeply that could make one to take a step out

When I asked myself back, is this my will or God's will. To be honest, I dont think I can tell just yet until the time comes.

I made too many excuses for myself and now I seemed to have run out of reasons.

Perhaps the message arrived a little late, or I should say, it was bit late when I saw it.

 I've already made my decision.

And now, I left that comfort zone.